The Truth About Families.

Family is probably the oddest invention God ever made.

Okay, maybe that’s a little overboard, but think about it. You live for roughly 18 years with a group of people you are genetically connected to, but otherwise have no idea who they are. And, I suppose, you spend that time finding out just that. Though there are people who live their who lives never truly knowing their family. They take the bonds they were born with for granted because, well, they were born with them. Nothing was earned or sought after, therefore, there is no chase. Unless of course, you live in the real world and have things befall your family that either mold all of you or cause you to scatter.

Like I said, Families are odd.

They can be the cause of the worst and best things that happen to you.

They can cause you the worst pain and heartache, and the greatest joy and love.

They are the roommates you never picked, and the best friends you should have, if you let them.

Honestly, they can be the absolutely worst things in your life. They can cause you to care so much that your heart wishes to follow them everywhere they go, and then they will rip it out and run with it as they push you away. I suppose this part, for me, is mainly my brother. Perhaps for you it is someone else, or was someone else, or maybe even will be.

The truth about families is that they will at some point, no matter what you do or what precautions you took or how much you cared inside, break your heart. But, if you tune in long enough, they will come back to pick up the pieces.

I can’t tell you that I speak from experience. I can’t tell you a heart-wrenching story about the “prodigal son” in my life. But what I can say is that I felt something tonight, when I was alone, angry and ready to give up. I felt God telling me to cling tighter, to keep loving and trying, that it will come. He said I was made this way–with a sensitive, caring, sometimes over-dramatic self–for a purpose. I am “fearfully and wonderfully made” and I have a reason for the way I am. For such a time as this. To care, no matter what the cost. To see this through until the very end, and that no matter if this all turns around, or if I am left, caring with no one to care about me except for my heavenly Father, there will always be something far greater as my reward. Love is always the best choice, and I am choosing it. No matter if it takes 5 years or 50 or if nothing ever comes of it. I was made to care, and my family will be the first to receive.

“…these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.” 1 Timothy 5:4

Love you all,



Love and Suffering

I was in a reading plan today and I saw this one that asked, “Do you agree with the statement “Deep love allows for deep suffering”? Explain.”

So, I decided to explain.

I completely agree with this statement and have felt it some recently. Basically, the idea is that if you open your heart to love someone truly (whether it is romantic or not) that you can feel just as intense pain because you loved so immensely.

This is absolutely and undeniably true.

But here’s the question: Is it worth it? Is that much pain worth opening your heart at all? Wouldn’t it be better to just crawl in a hole and scowl at everyone that passed by?

C.S. Lewis once wrote:

There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.

(From The Four Loves, as found in The Inspirational Writings of C.S. Lewis, 278-279.)

Here lies our conundrum. Either we put our heart and our life out there on our sleeve for others to either hold carefully, or to crush and maim, or, we hide it away “safe” and “secure”, but hard and untouchable. You will never be hurt, but you will also never feel.

Personally, I have chosen, after going through something that is still ripping my heart apart every time I think about it, that it is still worth it. For me, I have a Lord whose heart breaks along with mine and who has felt more pain and suffering than anyone else. I have chosen to give him my heart and accept his love in return. Now, it is his love that pours out from me, it is his heart I give to others, and it is him who protects me when others crush it. So, yes, I am still hurt and that has not left me, in fact, I feel it even more now because of the immense love God has given me and runs through me. I yearn to feel for others as God does for them, and that involves pain and sadness when they are lost.

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1 John 4:16)

We love because he first loved us…And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. (1 John 4:19, 21)

But there is always a brighter side because I have a hope and confidence in His plans.

Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:24)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Psalm 73:96)

God is amazing. I could not be doing all that I am without him. I would be a pathetic heap on the floor. I am not joking and I am not exaggerating. He makes me strong when it isn’t humanly possible to be so.

“My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in [your] weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

And Lord knows I’m weak.

I guess the main idea(s) of this post is(are) that to open your heart more, you also open your wounds more, but it is worth it. Suffering and pain continue to exist in this world no matter what, but I have hope in my future because of God and without him, I would be a weak shell of a human.

I thank God everyday for his power and strength, and I am sorry for those days when I don’t trust that he’s there to carry me and yet he comes anyway.

Maybe someone will read this, and maybe everyone stopped forever ago because this is so long, but for anyone that made it down here, sorry for the rambling, but maybe it meant something to you. That would be pretty cool. 🙂 Good luck and I pray that you would not be complete until you are complete in Him. God bless.

(If you have any questions or comments, feel free!)

Perfect Love

So, tonight at the Lakes, there were a few songs that stood out to me. They talked about how amazing God’s love is and all it can do if we just let it.
Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to see this thought in motion. When you just surrender whatever your opinion is and realize that God doesn’t care what he said or she said but about their salvation, he can really do some awesome works through you. He can mend holes you thought could never even resemble being fixed. And they wouldn’t…if we were in control.
I thank the Lord it’s him and not me in charge. Nothing would be amazing that way. It’s only God that these miracles can happen and change everything for the better. That’s all God desires, for us to have the best life possible. And that can only happen if we let him take control and have his love pour through us out into our lives.


So, this is an old short narrative that I wrote a while back (In June 2010) and I still find it interesting 🙂 Let me know what you think!…if there’s anyone out there listening haha 😉

Gwen looked over at her best friend, James, with eyes fuming, but not directed at him. Instead, her hatred was pointed at the movie that had just ended. She stared incredulously at the blank screen as white lettering began to scroll across it. She could not believe the lies that were just spoon fed to her. And even more unbelievable was that she had held her mouth wide open for the lies to be shoveled in one by one.

“These people make fools of themselves and people call it love”, she blurted out. James cocked his head in her direction with one eyebrow raised. She turned her attention to him to further explain herself. “These characters are reproduced every week in a new movie by a different name and the people behind them- the liars- earn thousands of millions of dollars for it. It’s messed up!”

James nodded, understanding her frustration.

Still she continued, “How am I supposed to know that all of her problems were fixed and they lived happily ever after? How do I know that this white knight is the ‘exception’ or the free ticket out of a hellish tangle of dates and won’t just become another ‘guy’ and break her heart like everyone else sooner or later?”

She knew the answer to her own question before she even asked it.

“I guess you can’t,” James tried, “Movies aren’t based out of life.”

“I know, I know…it’s just frustrating! All the lies. Movies tell you that ‘he’ will ‘always be there’, but in real life, when you fall and trip somewhere, odds are a handsome hero is not going to be there. When you feel terrible at school in a class you have no friends in and you leave to ‘go to the bathroom’, facts and experience tell you that you are not going to run into ‘him’ as he holds you tight and tells you everything is fine. Actually, the truth is, that hallway will probably be deserted as will the next and the next. Prince Charming is too busy spreading lies through Hollywood to actually be true.”

James smirked at his friend’s cynicism and yet, he felt a slight stab from her words, being a guy himself. But he couldn’t tell her she was wrong because he knew she had seen this first hand. Still, he couldn’t help but wonder if the movies could be right just once and he could be the one to be there in the right place at the right time. James decided to voice his own, slightly more optimistic, opinion.

“Movies are dreams that every director and audience member wishes could be reality. They’re not saying that it’s real, they’re saying they wish it was,” he concluded, silently agreeing with these wishes. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

And with that, the two friends left the dark theater that was filled with impossible dreams and trudged back to reality, one with hopes and the other with fears, but both wishing they could stay a little while longer.